Passionate about personal development, Laurie Gerber has been coaching individuals and groups for over 15 years. An Expert Coach and Co-President of Handel Group® Life Coaching, Laurie teaches people to tell the truth and pursue their dreams through live events, one-on-one coaching, and online coaching courses, and as a writer, on radio, and in frequent TV appearances. Visit to schedule a 30-minute consultation to learn more about HG life coaching options.

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“I’m not good on first dates.”
“I’m an introvert.”
“It takes awhile to get to know (and like) me.”
“I get tongue-twisted if I like you.”
“I always pick the unavailable ones.”

“I’m the type of person that…”

Suspend your beliefs, theories, worldly perspectives, and personal histories for a moment to consider this:

Your thoughts create your reality.

You may protest, and point to all the evidence in your dating history that proves your theory.

“It’s always been this way!”

But it’s also true that our thoughts dictate our actions. So, even if you are gung-ho on finding the one, if you’re secretly thinking that “dating stinks and I’m no good at it,” you’ll find ways to prove yourself right, either through self-sabotaging anxiety or avoiding dates all together!

Consider it this way: if you think it’s going to be a chilly night, wouldn’t you bring a jacket?

If you really think “there are no good dates left in this city,” you will: 1) not notice anyone looking; 2) stop looking yourself; 3) move cities, only to discover that your theories travel with you in your carry-on. Sadly, you will never get the joke that if you are great and single and in this city, why isn’t your mate. But how will you ever find them? You’re not even really looking. You’re too busy, proving and packing your carry-on!

“Remember, what you think about, you bring about. Bring something great.”

Why? Simple. You’re letting fear take the wheel.

Fortunately, feelings are not facts, and any negative conclusions you have come to regarding your dating life truly are just theories, waiting to be proven accurate or inaccurate. And given that both positive and negative self-talk are conditioned patterns of thinking, you can actively experiment with new theories and catch your results in real time.

See if you can spot your brand of negative theories (a helpful, albeit heinous, hint: investigate your parents’ brand!) in the examples below, and consider the new, better theories you could adopt and adapt to. Next time you go out on a date or attend an event, make it your mission to prove one of your new theories right.

What would you do differently if these theories were actually true?

Thankfully, it’s totally within your grasp to ensure that is the case.

You MAKE them true, by thinking and acting differently.

Old theory: “Dating is difficult.”
New theory: “Anything worthwhile in your life takes work.”

Old theory: “No one wants to date a divorce with kids.”
New theory: “Whoever sweeps me off my feet is also going to adore my family.”

Old theory: “I’m too old/young/fat/skinny/busy/boring/complicated to date.”
New theory: “My exact match is waiting for me.”

Please note, however, if you felt a bit queasy while reading that last new theory. If you are not madly in love and inspired by the current state of YOU, get to work on what would make you proud. In other words, be who you want to date!

Remember, what you think about, you bring about. Bring something great.



Looking for a little coaching on a hugely important topic: love? Five lucky winners will join Expert Coach Laurie Gerber for a virtual group consultation on love. Enter to win!